Stacy’s eulogy.
Dear world,
Im sorry that I wasted so much of my time curling my hair and working at the mall when I should have been giving back to you. I also spend a lot of time, uh, wasted, eating Smart Ones, Fudge Sunday ice cream, and uh watching Jersey Shore (although I hope Vinny comes back), instead, what I should have been doing was giving back to those unfortunate and less good looking as I am. I could’ve done a lot with these hands, these hands could’ve saved ppls lives. I could have been a genius doctor, because my brain rivals that of other doctors who are very smart who work at very well respected and prestigious hospitals. I should have been a lawyer, who could have helped people. I could have lawyered people. I could have lawyered bad people. Modeling gig, and that’s the baddest right there. I could have done the artistry and the modeling. The modeling could have paid for it and the artistry could have ….finally I just want to say to the world that I am sorry again. My good looks and my brain and my hair and lawyer, modeling, hybrid lawyer modeling skills would not have gone to waste. Instead I lie here, dying alone by myself, with the snow and the ice and the dying dreams of which I could not save.
p.s. I have a really really cute VS bra and panty pack, tangerine color, would like to be buried in that, and Michael Kors leopard dress. Just so people know. Okay that’s it.
xoxo,
Stacy.
